It is 9 p.m. I am back at the Rainbow Hut on the Kanekiki farm in Hawaii. This fruitarian bodybuilder has been raw for the past four weeks but I currently feel pretty cooked.
My stomach feels tight and my belly feels full. I haven’t been able to make good salads at night. Adding less ingredients would likely help. For some reason I keep adding spices to my food, especially at night. I think there is something missing and I don’t know what it is. The spices don’t help thought, in fact they make things worse. I may be using the wrong spices or perhaps the solution lies somewhere else.
I keep telling myself to do things I can’t get myself to do: Eat less food, eat less fat, don’t mix so many ingredients, don’t add so many spices, don’t eat so late at night, exercise more, sleep more, spend more time alone… These are all things that I think would help me feel better, but I can’t get myself to do them… Story of my life…
What I am left with is an opportunity to practice self-acceptance and gratitude for who I am, where I am and the path that I am on. Comparing myself to other people never helps, it only makes me feel worse.
Today I worked for two hours harvesting on the back side of the Kanekiki farm. I felt tired again, yesterday I exercises a lot and rested too little. I didn’t get a good night sleep either. Maybe that is why I felt so weak in the morning.
Love Call and Monday Meeting
Before our Monday meeting I had a lovely phone call with a woman I love. I told her I thought she is someone I could marry and have kids with. She enjoyed hearing that. We had a great talk. It left me wondering… Life.
Monday meeting went by pretty fast. We touched based on some basic things, cleaning, organization, what to do more of, what to do less of, the typical community management conversations.
After that I headed to the Kanekiki gym with Destiny and Andy. We cleaned the space so that it is a nicer area to workout. It looks great, I am glad we took the time to do that.
I can’t promise I will be working out more, but it is a step forward on the right direction.
This Fruitarian Bodybuilder FEARS for his Life
I had a nice workout, three cycles with more exercises, more reps and more weights. I can’t say that I am getting stronger but I am certainly more comfortable working out than when I arrived.
I have struggled much with my desire to workout, especially in the gym. I simply haven’t felt much motivation to do that. I don’t know why, I definitely have the energy to do so.
I don’t want to say that I am lazy because I am getting a lot done in other areas of my life. I am writing a blog every day and I am also writing a legitimate book on the fruitarian diet. On top of that I have been teaching yoga classes pretty often, leading community gatherings and taking care of my Airbnb businesses. On top of that I have worked a minimum of 10 hours a week doing farm work, which sometimes can be very physically demanding (moving wood, moving rocks, cutting cane grass, moving wheel barrels, harvesting fruit, etc…)
I am afraid that I will never get the body I want. I am afraid I will not get a six pack or big arms. I am afraid that people will look at me and this site and think I am a phony man.
This Fruitarian Bodybuilder has Faith and Hope
That being said, I still believe, with all my heart, that I can build an impressive physique with fruit alone. I still believe that fruitarianism is the best diet for the world and that I can become the fruitarian bodybuilder I wish to be.
I need to remind myself that bodybuilding is not an easy task. It takes dedication, effort, consistency and a lot of motivation. The truth is I have all of those, but these qualities are not solely set on fruitarian bodybuilding. Some are set on community building and others are set on writing books and blogs. I must accept who I am and accept that it is ok to have dreams that take a long time to manifest.
Almost everyone at the Kanekiki farm is impressed with what I do. They all think I am a high achiever, a dedicated man, a person with infinite potential and a big heart. They know how much I like giving and they know I can achieve what I want. I believe them and I believe in me.
If I ain’t a Fruitarian Bodybuilder, then I am an Honest Writer
After my workout I had a bunch of oranges, nine to be exact. I could have eaten more but I wanted to save space for my dinner. I think that was a mistake. Like I have been saying, I want to eat only fruit and don’t want to eat late. The salads keep tempting me and I can’t even make them taste well. I feel a little stuck but I am sure somehow I am still making progress.
After dinner we watched a movie called “Almost Famous”. It was a GREAT film, excellent to say the least. The main character was a writer, a young boy who is writing a story about a rock and roll band.
It was a very inspiring movie in many ways. It taught me to be myself, to be honest. It was also strange to see people living such a different lifestyle to the one I live right now and at the same time I still felt connected to them. I guess we can always be whoever we want and love everyone else for what they do, even if it is only for a moment.
One message that certainly stuck with me after the movie is related to my writing, these blogs and the book I am working on. The message was to be real and unapologetic. To be myself in my expression, to say things the way they are.
That is the type of writer I want to be. I don’t want to write fiction, I want to share real life experiences; and although we may never know Truth, I don’t want to spread lies. Sometimes it is hard to distinguish what is real from fake, especially when it comes to diet and health. There are so many options, so many teachers, so many perspectives, research, data, opinions, books…
I am not a Preacher, I am Student and an Explorer
I don’t want to be a preacher, I don’t want to say THIS IS THE WAY. I just want to share my story, be brave and inspire others to do the same. I surely wish I KNEW what I am doing, but this is all still a test.
I am testing the fruitarian diet, I am testing myself. Right now it is fairly confusing but I think I am doing very well. I hope one day I will be able to share the miracles of raw foods and the fruitarian diet. I hope one day I can call myself a fruitarian bodybuilder in the full sense of the word.
For now, this is my story, this is my pace. I have to trust it will all go well. My instincts are worthy and I will keep walking my way.
Thanks for walking with me, and hearing my voice.
READ ABOUT DAY 27
