It is exactly 11pm. the Fruitarian Bodybuilder just made it back to his new home, the Rainbow Hut in Kanekiki.
Walking between my legs there is a cat, pouring. I don’t know its name or where it came from, it must be the neighbor’s pet.
From my new porch I see the stars, there is no moon in the sky. It is quiet, except for the sound of 100 frogs singing to the night.
The Rainbow Hut is on the edge of the Kanekiki property, farther away from any other hut. It is peaceful, it is quiet, and it is a little bit scary. It feels like the right place to be, for me.
Feeling Tired in the Morning
This morning was pretty common, similar to the rest. Just like yesterday I woke up at 6:40 a.m., head to the Kanekiki community room, practiced some yoga and stretched.
During meeting I chose to work clearing cane grass but this time wasn’t as enjoyable as the others. I felt weak. Towards the end of my shift I was eager to stop and eat some fruit.
More Struggles for the Fruitarian Bodybuilder
My diet hasn’t been perfect over the last few days. I have remained eating raw foods but I believe I have used poor food combinations. I would guess I have taken too much fat and the nori sheets I am eating, despite being delicious, don’t seem to help my digestion. I have also been tempted by spices, garlic and hot peppers. Unsuccessfully, I have tried to comb my appetite with fruitarian recipes and meals I couldn’t prepare.
I am thinking about doing a fast, maybe with papayas, or maybe with water alone. I don’t think my goal should be to live a life fully deprived of variety or sensual pleasures. Yet, at the same time, I am curious, I want to know, how far can I take this fruitarian diet? How deep can I go?
I want to gain control over my senses, I want to control my taste buds and not have them control me. I don’t think they are evil, but sometimes they get out of hand.
The lack of movement hasn’t helped either, I could be doing better, for sure. I definitely have gotten distracted writing my new book about the fruitarian diet and perhaps taken too much energy away from my fruitarian bodybuilding project.
I simply can’t do it all. In part because I keep getting distracted with movies, peoples and the fears of moving forward. That is alright, I have learned to accept and live with these fears. I also know that I will soon overcome them. Even when I move slow, I keep moving forward.
Fruitarian Bodybuilder Moves Under the Rainbow
During the afternoon Jake and I moved our belongings to the Rainbow Hut. The space here is much better than where I had been staying so far.
On the Rainbow Hut we only have two people, Jake and I. There is plenty of room to sit, practice yoga and set my belongings on sheves. We even have a desk and a chair where I can work. I plan to use this space to write more and make videos. I am excited to see how much more I can get done.
The stars are still shining, I am inside the hut now. Not too far I hear animals moving near the fence. I trust they are on the other side, but who knows, the night is pitch dark.The hut has no windows, only large mosquito nets. I feel vulnerable here and also very raw. Pun intended.
Fruitarian Bodybuilder is Here to Stay
I still have three more weeks on my internship. It is likely I will stay longer than that. I feel that moving to the Rainbow Hut marks a new beginning for me. Just a day before winter solstice.
I know that I am getting closer and closer to the life that I want. Closer and closer to knowing who I truly am. In the process, old and new fears are coming up. I am being confronted with the things I have never done before.
My personal progress tends to seem slow but who am I to tell what the pace of life should be… I have never been here before. I have never been before so close to that which I am afraid of, never so close to that which I am.
I want to go out. I want to see the stars again. I want to be brave to embrace the darkness and embrace the night. I want to fear nothing and yet I am still afraid. That is ok.
I am that I am.
Read About Day 21
