I needed to write this blog to empty my mind and share with the world. I find that blogging helps me be as honest and blunt as I can in the most vulnerable way. By posting these blogs online for anyone to see, I make an affirmation to myself, and others. I am not afraid of who I am and what I am going through. The act of writing like this is an act of courage and self-love, it is an act of acceptance and transparency that I deeply value.
Within this process, I appreciate your support. You support me by reading this, you support me by commenting below and sharing this link. Whether you agree or disagree is the same to me, I just want you to read this, I want you to know me. If you share the same point of view, please let me know, I like knowing that I am not alone. If you disagree with what I write, please tell me, I like hearing other people’s opinions too, they help me grow.
Dealing with Conflicts at the Kanekiki Farm
On my last blog about the Kanekiki Farm I shared that I have been having some intra-personal conflicts with a handful of members of the raw vegan community. These conflicts continue to escalate, and to deal with the pain and the discomfort, I write and I share. This is also a way for me to put my thoughts in place and take a broader and more impersonal perspective on the issues that I am having these days.
Apparently there is half a dozen people or so who have been withholding complaints about me. I still don’t know what they are all about, but it looks like I will be finding out this week.
To be honest, I am very disappointed that I am going through this. I chose to move to the Kanekiki Farm because I read on the website that this community practices nonviolent communication, radical honesty, and the four agreements of Don Miguel Ruiz. I moved here because I thought people were going to be straight up with me, and if they had an issue, they would let me know right away. I am disappointed to see that is not the case, at least not with everyone.
To be fair, I’ve been guilty of doing this myself, some of my communication has been somewhat violent. I haven’t been radically honest all the time, and surely enough I have not followed the four agreements to the point. This is why I am also disappointed with myself and the situation all around, I was expecting better and yet, this is an excellent chance to open up, speak up and grow.
Separation in Our Raw Vegan Community
Tonight was an extra intense day, most people were gone for the weekend and they all came back at night, right on time for Barb’s birthday dinner. The energy felt quite divided, it seems that I am not the only one having issues with other people. I even had Destiny tell me that she felt some people where angry with her. I couldn’t believe she was serious, she is one of the nicest people I have ever met!
The energy during dinner was tense, half of the community didn’t make a dish to share and they all left quite quickly after we started to eat. I was disappointed to see them go, it breaks my heart to be part of a community that sometimes doesn’t feel like a community at all, but instead a group of people that work and live together. It isn’t always like this but I feel like we hit a rut and are struggling to get out.
I feel that the tension is strong, especially within a specific group of people, and I am even considering moving out. I may be exaggerating perhaps, but I don’t want to live in a community where I feel judged and so uncomfortable with some members. If there was 100 of us living together and only a few had an issue with me, I probably wouldn’t care. However, there is 6 people mad at me, out of 25 or less. The biggest problem is not that they are angry, the problem is that they don’t speak up. That is the worse part.
Love and Truth is Here Too
Luckily, I also have some excellent friends at the Kanekiki Farm, people that hear me and care for me. I have been talking to them lately, sharing all this and hearing their feedback. They think I have done nothing wrong, they say they would be sad if I left. It is a blessing to hear their words.
I am sure the truth is somewhere in between. I am not perfect and I often make mistakes. In the same way, other people are not perfect either, and I am sure many of the grudges people hold against me have more to do with them than with me.
Because of all this, I decided to take the initiative and started asking around if anyone has an issue with me. So far everyone I’ve asked said no, some of them laughed, the idea of someone having a problem with me was funny to them. They say I am a very nice guy.
I look forward to tomorrow and to sorting all this out. I feel much better now that I wrote all this and that I get to share. I want to believe that it will be alright, that we will all be able to fix our differences, share what we are upset about and strengthen our relationships. I know I am not the only one under tension at the Kanekiki Farm. I pray this will work out well for every single one of us.
